LOL!!!!!!!!!
I was happy
Now
I’m elated
Bihh
This shoe, says
I live
This pair have helped me to
transcend
You gave me life.
Air in my lungs
I am in love because these shoes
say
I’m strong
Don’t mess with me
These shoes say
I have sex
Great sex.
These shoes
say I love me
I love me.
These shoes are mine.
When I was a child I would watch movies. The fairy tale movies. The ones that make you think you need someone to save you. For a very long time I bought into it. I too thought I needed someone, a husband. But I’ve learned some real life had lessons:
1) You can’t change anyone.
I learned this the hard way. I stayed with my son’s father for 10 years, foolishly trying to convince myself that he would change, but he never did.
2) What makes you happy?
I had to ask myself….Bihh, what makes you happy? What makes you feel good? Now do that shit. I tried making people happy to make myself feel good. It didn’t last long nor did it work very often. Things earned last longer than things given.
3) Save yourself.
No one is coming to save you. I thought I was going to be saved. I prayed to be saved no one came, so I saved my money. It’s scary making big decisions. Life changing ones. You have a lot of fear, dought. You cry because you want someone to make the decision for you, but you gotta make it yourself. I know now fear isn’t real. Pain is real. Death is real. The only one that can save me is me.
Now, I want you to save yourself.
I’ve been hearing and seeing a lot about manifestation mostly for money, which is not really what I’m drawn too.
Manifestation is knowing something so much that it becomes reality.
So my goal is to manifest an abundance of love.
Okay, why forgive?
Because life’s too fucking short to be caring that shit around. Really I do it because I don’t feel the need to relive the pain of my past. I forgive and I get back more. I forgive and I grow. So…
I forgive your lies.
I forgive your absence.
I forgive you cruel words.
I forgive it all.
You believed anything without question. You were tricked. You forgot that we are in the Age of Aquarius…..yeah…
You did it cuz you dumb ass FUUUUUKCCKK!!!! That’s ok. I am too.
But ask yourself. This something hurt me.What did you learn?
Why? Why? Why? What knowledge did you take away?
I hear. I see. I read, that people are unhappy. Lost. Looking for the why instead of the what.
Someone saw some pictures that I posted and she’s like, “How are you doing? You look happy. If you truly are? I said yes I truly am happy. The shits not perfect, but what is? How did I get here? To this stat of happiness. I picked up the phone, the pen and I began to let it go. I began to do what makes me happy. Because I believed we had only one life to live. I believed that life is too short. I believe a lot of other things now, but we’ll get to that later. (In a different post)
Forgiveness I think is one of the hardest things to grasp the concept of and ever since I was a child I knew that I didn’t want to hold onto anger. So, I been learning to forgive. Not forget. FORGIVE. Let it go because this life is too short.
I might add some shit to this later, but that’s all I have for now.
Ring….
Ring….
Ring…..
Hey Era.
I’m going to come over on Saturday. Do you have any special plans?
Me: No (Never shows up.)
-My Wife and I need your help.
-I have a doctor’s appointment and I need your help.
-I have this and I need your help.
-I’m in the hospital for stealing a million dollars and I need you to pick up my get away car.
Can you help me?
Me: Yes.
SOME TIME later.
Ring…
Ring…
Ring….
Oh.. Yeah Era never mind I don’t need your help anymore.
Me: Ok….Click
#Donttestme
Do I confuse you?
Did I confuse you?
LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I know what it is. You watched too many of “Those Movies”.
You know. The ones that subjugate and stereotype us.
Awww…poor thing. You thought I was as jaded as you.
Your an empty vessel. Let me put some knowledge in you.
Your stage….. doesn’t fool me.
Thank you though.
Thank you for the now. But I don’t need weeds in my garden.
And I don’t hope for fruit that’s WAY out of season.
It’s time to wake your unconscious mind.
A living fantasy has to be talked about. Asked… However in jaded Napoleon land you seem to think these thing are appropriate….. NO!!!!!!! NO NO NO NO NO NO NO.
What’s wrong with our culture? Doesn’t your mask get tired to maintain? Dirty…? Are you so weak that you let the materials of this world drown you into thinking that there is no other way to live? How much porn do you have to watch before you think you can manifest an interaction without even asking the participants? Beg your pardon but I’ve only know these things to happen to those in a relationship or those with money and since you have none, its safe to say you will get none.
Your sad ……because you live for others and not for yourself?
How do you expect to satisfy two; when you don’t even have the stamina for one.
Fuckboys I don’t chase.
Too fine for that.
Beauty fades and knowledge will always remain.
Lonely but not that lonely.
Time for the inner work.
When I was much younger, I told two of my cousins that I never wanted to get married. My cousin said that I shouldn’t say that because it may come true. I did think anything of it at the time, but now I’m about to turn 32 and I’ve never been married. I know what your thinking it has to be me. Maybe it is…. I think its my failure to feel fully accepted… I mean having someone were the exchange of meaningful conversation is not one sided. I just feel like I can’t connect.
Well have you been dating?
Yes, I have.
What kinds?
Tall. Short. Rich. Poor. Beautiful. Ugly. But none of them were able to love me the way I wanted to be loved… Wrapped up in the façade and stereotype of what’s physical.
It’s sad being lonely. It would be even sadder if I chose the wrong person. Yeah, I might be perfect for you, but are you for me? We can’t travel if you don’t fly. I can’t marry you if you’re already married. You can’t propose to me if I’ve never met your family or been to your place. I can’t mend broken hearts or build back trust because she did you wrong. I can give you everything, but what will be left for me? I will not make myself less so you can feel better than me; and don’t feel less because my beauty and intelligence is intimidating.
I’m as real as the air you breath. Don’t confuse me with the things you see on TV.
I’m real. I bleed.
I’m real. I can see.
I’m real.
You know….If you really know me.
So, I’m not married and its ok. Hopefully the right one will be on his way. I don’t know why everything I type sounds like a rhyme today.
![SmartSelectImage_2017-09-11-05-12-35[1]](https://janeflash.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/smartselectimage_2017-09-11-05-12-351.png?w=676)
If only my mother knew what she was buying me at the time. This was my first album and I loved it, still do. Even listen to it now takes me back to when I was in my room jamming to this. The songs were clearly to mature for me, but I would skip over that. I understand the message of her journey now. Her pain. No matter the amount of money, people in her life, career success…. Her life wasn’t perfect, and I can really relate to this album. She is singing my life. Listen to the words.
![20170911_045226[1]](https://janeflash.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/20170911_0452261.jpg?w=676)
My new favorite scent.
Jane Flash 