What’s Real

Time for the inner work.

When I was much younger, I told two of my cousins that I never wanted to get married. My cousin said that I shouldn’t say that because it may come true. I did think anything of it at the time, but now I’m about to turn 32 and I’ve never been married. I know what your thinking it has to be me. Maybe it is…. I think its my failure to feel fully accepted… I mean having someone were the exchange of meaningful conversation is not one sided. I just feel like I can’t connect.

Well have you been dating?

Yes, I have.

What kinds?

Tall. Short. Rich. Poor. Beautiful. Ugly. But none of them were able to love me the way I wanted to be loved… Wrapped up in the façade and stereotype of what’s physical.

It’s sad being lonely. It would be even sadder if I chose the wrong person. Yeah, I might be perfect for you, but are you for me? We can’t travel if you don’t fly. I can’t marry you if you’re already married. You can’t propose to me if I’ve never met your family or been to your place. I can’t mend broken hearts or build back trust because she did you wrong.  I can give you everything, but what will be left for me? I will not make myself less so you can feel better than me; and don’t feel less because my beauty and intelligence is intimidating.

I’m as real as the air you breath. Don’t confuse me with the things you see on TV.

I’m real. I bleed.

I’m real. I can see.

I’m real.

You know….If you really know me.

So, I’m not married and its ok. Hopefully the right one will be on his way. I don’t know why everything I type sounds like a rhyme today.

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